Trail Mix.

Years ago on the start of my inward spiritual journey, I was told by an energy worker that one of the causes of my distress (anxiety and depression) is my need to label (judge) everything as good or bad. I live very ‘black and white.’ She mentioned that it was quite funny and perhaps serendipitous that I was marrying a man with the last name of Gray. She mentioned that it could be the start of new chapter of how I view life.

Nearly 5 years after that conversation I have come to see how I need to embrace a life of living in the gray. One marriage and two kids later, I can no longer afford to judge life events as cut and dry, black and white, or good and bad. I’m learning that life is a big cluster of mixed everything. It’s a really good trail mix. Perhaps in the end it will balance out and be a great combination of sweet, fulfilling, nutty, sustainable, bitter, and enjoyable moments. And like a good trail mix, you need all the flavors to get just the right taste. Maybe that is all life is, a giant human taste test.

This journey has made me. It’s made me grow into my faith. Sometimes by force, sometimes by choice. The earth is always moving under our feet, forward will happen. Just as we can’t stop aging (as much as we try), it feels like we can’t stop evolving. It seems that all humans desire changes. Of course, we all try to avoid changes we don’t want, but actively pursue ones that we do. Why do we desire change? Personally, I get bored and honestly like a challenge. It feels like most of my desires for change (new) come from within me, almost unconscious. Perhaps the drive to evolve is unconscious. It’s some soul level stuff.

So here I stand, on the edge of choice. I have had the desire to share my perspective of life through writing for a while now, and it’s time to try it. I have plans for what I will write about, but as plans do, they often change. Join me as I embrace looking at life from a greater gray perspective. That nothing is truly good or bad, maybe it’s all perfect in the end.

Happy Trails! – Chelsea Gray

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